The Rules for being a Dog

• I must insist on being inside the House at all times, even when it's quite lovely outside.
• If I am required to be outside when I don't want to be, I must sit on the steps outside the Door, occasionally Whining loudly and Pawing at the Door to remind my Human that I am not to be forgotten.
• When my Small Humans are outside, I must argue with my Sibling about who should Play with my Small Human.
• When I am inside the house with my Humans, I must follow them around intently, observing any opportunity for food nicking.
• I must be underfoot at all times, particularly when my Human is in the kitchen.
• If my Human is eating or drinking anything at all, I must sit at -- or better yet, ON -- her feet, ready to grab a dropped crumb at any moment.
• When I am bored with my Humans, I must lie in one of My Spots. My favorite Spot is behind my Human's rocker, just close enough so that she can't actually use the rocker. My second favorite Spot is on My couch. When I am on My couch, I must have my favorite pillow. If my pillow is not in the correct Spot on the couch, I will Whine until my Human locates my pillow.
• If the front curtains are open, I must sit at the window, Barking, Growling, and sometimes Whining at the Birds that Dare Trespass in My territory.
• If my Human has been outside the house for any amount of time, I must Sniff every possible inch of her to determine if she has been two-timing me by Petting other Dogs. If I find evidence of her Treachery, I will snuffle loudly to show my disapproval.